Wow, what a holiday season! I hope you all had a sweet new year, an easy fast and a full Sukkah. I love this time of year! There seems to be something happening every week now whether it's holidays, weddings, baby showers... Is it just me or is everyone getting married and having babies? (Everyone except for me that is.)

I have been to 3 weddings so far this year and I still have one more before the end of the month, as well as two baby showers, a bris and an engagement party! Ahh.

Then of course there are the holidays, the perfect time to look for a man. I know what you're thinking: "Natalie, the holidays are a time for reflection and prayer, not for man-looking."

I know that, but lets be real - it's also the time when most people go to synagogue, and they bring their kids and grandkids too. So it's the perfect time to find a Jewish someone, right?

So every holiday, I showed up to services scanning the room for any and all eligible bachelors. There were quite a few this year! I initially liked my odds. I sat down in the back for one Yom Kippur service since it filled up early, and I just happened to sit by a very tall, handsome guy not too much older than me. He looked so nice in his suit and white kippa! (Which he picked up at the entrance.)

I tried not to be distracted by him as it was Yom Kippur after all, a very special solemn day and I knew deep down that I shouldn't be scanning on such a night.

So we sit and stand and sit and stand, you know the drill. And when I glance over at him, I notice how intently he is reading his siddur. And I'm moved. All I could think was: "Wow, he is so sincere before God right now, that makes him so attractive!" And sure enough, no matter what, he did not remove his eyes from the siddur since he was so deep in prayer.

I couldn't help but notice how connected and invested he was in the prayers too, sometimes frowning... I suppose like the rest of us he was looking back at the last year frustrated with himself and wondering how he to be a better man this year, and I admire him for that.

I go back to my siddur. I shouldn't be this concerned with him right now, on the contrary, I should be focusing as deeply as him!

But then he starts smiling and then frowning again, and I sink into a new bout of admiration. Of course I am over-thinking this, but its so rare that I cannot help it.

I turn my eyes back to my siddur when I notice light reflecting off his siddur,

Wait, what???

That's not right.

Why would there be light reflecting off his siddur?

That makes no sense!

Wait a second, that's an iPhone....

HE IS HIDING AN iPHONE IN HIS SIDDUR.

You have got to be kidding me. It's Kol Nidre and you're HIDING AN iPHONE IN YOUR SIDDUR playing TETRIS?!

What are you hiding under there?

Oh my goodness, I still can't believe it.

One day, ONE DAY of the year you can't leave the iPhone at home and focus on G-d?!

People with iPhones bug me, but that is beside the point.)

I am so discouraged by this. I wanted to walk over to him and smack him upside the head. So needless to say a few more holiday services and not much luck.

And I haven't had much luck on J-date either. A few nights ago I was looking around at profiles. A few weeks back I mentioned that I was being bombarded with emails and instant messages on Jdate... Well it seems to have stopped for some reason.People are barely looking at me anymore, so I decided to do some searching of my own.

I sent out a few emails to guys who caught my eye and then I started messaging guys that were online. There is no response from the first guy, so I send another IM to another guy. No response either. Huh.

I start mass instant-messaging people, and I'm still getting no responses. I'm a little perturbed at this point, especially when I realize that in my hastiness, I'm misspelling a lot of words. Basic typos really. You know, mainly leaving off a letter or combining two words together. Which might be acceptable when you're texting, but not so much when you have a complete keyboard in front of you. Slow down or they're going to think you're stupid. I silently tell myself.

I'm still browsing when one one guy catches my eye. He is really good looking and his profile photo is of him with a white tiger! Tigers are one of my favorite animals, and it really is an awesome photo. I immediately message him, saying, "Oh wow, I love your tiger!"

But after I hit enter I realized I have left out a vital letter....

What my message actually said was:

Oh wow, I love you Tiger!

OMG.

I love you Tiger...

Oh NO.

I immediately realize my grammatical error, and reply with:

"your*"

"your tiger..."

"I love your tiger, not you!"

Oh God.

I realize things were only getting worse and I moved on.

At this point since no one had been responding whatsoever, I started to wonder if perhaps my instant messenger wasn't working? But as soon as that thought popped in my head, I received an IM!

Not from anybody I contacted mind you, but it's something! We start chit chatting, and this new guy begins by saying that I have sensual eyes and I look like a very sensual person.

Now, I have never been comfortable with the word sensual, but I thank him for the compliments.

Then he starts asking if I like massages and oils.

Um, yeah. Creepy.

When it rains, it pours. I receive another IM from yet another guy. Not my type, but his profile is nice! I answer his IM and immediately he asks for my phone number, can we talk tonight?

I tell him I'm heading to bed and he says he'll call me tomorrow. Sure, sounds great!

TWO SECONDS later I get a text from an unknown number.

"Hi this is Eli, I have your number in my phone and now you have mine, save it!"

Ok.

My computer beeps. He just instant-messaged me again.

"I hope you're ready!"

"I texted you my number so now you can save it!"

Ok is the dude insecure or what?

He messages me again. "I'm a very affectionate person....I hope you are ready!"

What?!!!

What is going on here? Where am I? Why do I get the creepiest guys ever?

I quickly log off J-date without responding, and if you're curious - he never called.

I'm telling you, it' really hard to find someone. (Someone normal at least.) But I look around to my friends who keep getting married and I think, they found someone, I must be able to find one, but when will I? Maybe I'll meet someone at the wedding.

<--- Read about Natalie's date with George Costanza
The Return of "Are you Jewish?" --->
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