Have you ever met someone that you thought was totally different from all the 'other' people that you've met? And if you have, have you ever had that completely blow up in your face? Well I have. You could say that last week was a crazy week for me.
It all started a couple of months ago... I met a guy. One that seemed nice. We met through my job (I'm a manager at an upscale health restaurant.) This guy Levi had been hired to manage another branch of our restaurant, so he was in our midst for a few weeks learning the ropes.
I wasn't immediately attracted to Levi. He was a really nice guy, but I didn't really like him initially because I thought he was a little cocky. After working with him for a while, I realized that I was wrong. He was actually a really funny, sweet guy. So after a few weeks when he asked me out for a drink, I was really flattered. And then the crush began. In fact, I decided that I really liked this guy...
So we popped over to a little pub neither of us had ever been too, and he bought me a beer. And we started talking about... everything. We talked about family and sports, we both happen to be huge baseball fans (we even love the same player!) We talked about our religious backgrounds, me being from more of a conservative background and him being from a reformed. We talked about our ideals and plans and before I knew it, a good couple of hours had flown by.
Craziness. It was honestly the best, most easy-going conversation I have ever had with a guy in my life. We kept talking and talking and then... talking. And then it was closing time at the pub.
At this point I was beyond giddy. I reeeeaalllly liked him! He walked me to my car and he said goodnight...
And that's it.
So I think about this... OK, so he's taking it slow, right? I mean yeah, I'll admit it, I thought something would happen on the way to my car like a kiss, or even a number taking... but nada. Interesting.
But... he must really like me.
I mean after the conversation we had, come on.
Earth to Natalie...
Then again, I did read that book; you know the one I'm talking about, He's Just Not That Into You. Yeah, I read it a few months ago, and I think there was a story similar to mine in the book, but this is obviously completely different. Why, you ask? Because. I thought it was different!
The next day at work Levi shows up and it's just like any other shift, except he is going out of his way to...ignore me.
Strange. Is he trying really hard to play it cool?
Maybe he is over compensating so that none of the other employees or managers find out we may have something going on! Although... I don't even know what we have going on. Or if there even is something going on.
He does not acknowledge me the entire day, and then at the end of my shift as I was getting ready to leave, he suddenly tells me how much fun he had the night before, and that it was a great time!
Whoa OK. So WHAT is going on here? Was I right in thinking he was into me? Did he want to keep it hush-hush? Keep what hush-hush? While I am mulling this over in my head, Levi gives me his number and I leave... confused.
I decided to call up my really good friend Eric, who also works with me. I ran the situation by him to see what he thinks. He is after all, a male. He knows their ways. Eric listens and then tells me that he isn't sure Levi knows I'm interested and that I should drop some more hints.
Well this couldn't possibly go wrong, could it?
I decide to take his advice, and after the weekend, I show up on Monday to discover that Levi is not there. He is officially finished with training and has left us. Funny... he never mentioned he would be leaving last week. Why didn't he?
I collect myself. I hear he will be around Wednesday for a while just to finish up a few things. But he doesn't come Wednesday after all. He is officially gone from my store. And my life....
Or is he?
He gave me his number for a reason, right? I decide to text him, and we end up texting and talking a few times. We usually just chit-chat and I know, I should have totally gotten the hint by now, but I couldn't help it. I was certain that there was something there, waiting to come out.
A few weeks go by with no proof of life, and then one day he shows up at work, unannounced, unexpected and flirtatious as ever. (At this point practically everyone we work with knew that I had a major crush on him.)
He was in town helping out at our restaurant for a few days, and I was ridiculously happy. However, I also had decided to play it cool and see how he behaves. I don't want to look like a love-sick girl. If the moment comes, I will make a move.
Minor flirting ensues. "Levi, your coat is wrinkled! It's gross. It needs a good steaming."
A giddy blushing me.
"No, you need a good steaming."
OMG. I blush at the drop of a hat. My cheeks turned a distinct shade of tomato and I turned away quickly. (I never said I was particularly good at flirting, did I?)
I recap the situation in my head. He is obviously giving me a signal to make a move. But I don't. I can't find the right moment.
A few nights later a bunch of us go out to eat and Levi shows up as well. And I decided that tonight was the night! I was somehow going to make a (discreet) move and see where things stand.
The whole night I play it cool, but I am constantly shooting him flirtatious looks, and he seems to be responding. I don't GET IT! Why can't he just ask me out? WHY would he be acting this way if he wasn't into me?
Ok. Maybe it could be the alcohol. Maybe.
Truth is, it had been flowing pretty freely all night. In fact, I was tipsy myself. I'm a lightweight, 2 beers is usually my limit. But when my other co-worker Shoshanna ordered me a shot, I didn't say no. It was so unnecessarily sweet and I was stressed. The second shot seemed to help with that. But it also made the room spin.
The good news is that I now had enough courage to approach Levi. Before I got a chance to, Shoshanna grabbed my hand and demanded that I take her to the bathroom.
Yes, she is an adult. Sort of. Shoshanna is an interesting one. She seems very young for her age, she's kind of immature. I sometimes feel like her older sister. She has had a tough life and is always a bit of a drama queen. She's a part time model which means she is very pretty and malnourished. She was beaming at me as I escorted her to the bathroom. Once inside, she turns to me with a knowing look.
"What's up?" I ask her.
"You can't say anything Natalie! And you can't tell anyone." She slurs at me.
"OK. What is it?" I ask.
"Levi and I have been hooking up!" (Giggle) "Yeah! We're kind of dating but you can't shay anything, or he could get fired!!!!"
I really shouldn't have asked.
"Oh really? How long has this been.... going?" was all I could muster up between the shock and alcohol.
"A couple weeks," she hiccups attractively.
I have no idea what to say, I have no idea what to do. Shoshanna stumbles into the bathroom stall and I go into one myself, lock the door and.. cry. Yes, I cried. I have not cried over a guy in a really long time but there I was.
I felt like throwing up because I should have known. How did I not see this coming? Or did I just block myself from seeing it, because I was so stupid?
I so wanted to lock myself in the stall and never leave. (I could write blog entries in a bathroom stall!) but I pulled myself together and headed back to the table.
Everyone has left except for Eric, Levi and Shoshanna. I whisper in Eric's ear what just happened and explain that I cannot stay there. I head outside and like clockwork everyone gets up to follow me. Which was really annoying, I didn't want to be there with them - it was all too much.
Thanks to the wonderful affects of alcohol, I am not thinking clearly whatsoever. So I decide that it would be an excellent idea to walk up to Levi, look him in the eye, and ask him to tell me that he and Shoshanna are dating each other.
"What?" He stares at me.
"Are you?" I repeat.
"What? What are you talking about? I could lose my job." He replies.
"Really. Ok, I know that. Then tell me, are you two sleeping together?"
He won't answer and this is only infuriating me further.
"Why don't you give me a straight answer? Just say no if it's not true!" I demand, my voice getting louder.
"I could lose my job, Natalie."
"Then tell me. Are you dating her? Because I REALLY LIKE YOU AND I WANT TO KNOW what's going on."
"Shhh. Come on, calm down." He replies, looking frantic.
Oh no. No one ever tells me to calm down. I don't handle it well. I storm away from him in complete disgust.
Shoshanna (who heard none of this) chases after me and tells me I should go back to her place which is only a few minutes away because I should not be driving.
I agreed. I should not be driving. That was not even my intention. I planned on sitting in my car until I was good to go. But I was in no mood to have a slumber party with Levi's latest fling.
Shoshanna insists that I go home with her, and after I point out that she is in no condition to drive either, she pulls me over to Levi's car.
Well OF COURSE Levi is taking her home. Duh Natalie!
Not good. NOT GOOD.
For reasons unknown to me, I put on a brave face and get into the car. We pull up to her place in like a minute, because she lives so nearby. (By the way, of course Levi knows exactly where her place is...another nail in my coffin.)
We get up to her apartment and I suddenly realized, I am in her apartment with the two of them alone!
WHAT AM I DOING? Why did I even get myself into this situation to begin with? This is ridiculous.
I ask Shoshanna for some water and tell them that I am fine and would like to go back to my car. But they refuse to take me! Who does that? Who holds someone hostage in their apartment?!
They both insist that I should stay a couple of hours and that they will take me back then. I hated this suggestion and did not want to stay in this love triangle of doom for one more minute.
"Luckily" Shoshanna and Levi left me and went into her room... together, leaving me sitting alone in the living room, weirded out of my mind. When I see the light in their bedroom go off, (ew) I gather my things and leave her apartment.
Sure, I'm alone. Sure, it's 2am. Sure, it's the mean streets of Los Angeles. (Not so much.) Regardless of any of these things, I just couldn't stay. I was pretty certain that no mugger would even want to deal with me now. I'd probably kill him with looks alone.
As I walk through the empty streets, I call Eric, and give him the update. He stays on the phone with me until I get to my car, which only took a few minutes.
Then I sat. I just sat in my car by myself on the phone with Eric crying my eyes out. It finally got to me. I just can't figure out why I am so naive. Why do I never see anything coming? I mean, yes, I get attention from a lot of creepy guys, but I thought this scenario would be different. Sadly, he turned out to be like all the rest of them. (And by that I don't mean he stalked me, or had mob associations, I just mean that once again I was let down.) The difference here is that I expected more out of Levi than this. I wanted him to be more.
But after the tears (and large amounts of Ben & Jerry's - two men who never let me down,) I realized it's not really that bad. I mean, it's not like I had that close of a relationship with him or that we had anything serious going on. It was more of something I wanted, nothing that actually was. So here I am. Still alive and still ready to get out there. Whatever that means...
