I write this story today with sadness in my heart. Today I head back to the west coast. *sigh* I love Cali and miss my dog, but New York is where my heart is. The only happiness I find in leaving is knowing I'll be back soon, and hey, I got one more story out of it.

Oh yes, I knew you'd be back for more.

Here's my last big apple moment.

For our final hurrah in the city, we decided to go down to the meatpacking district and we walked around looking for some good places to spend some time at. We actually got a few recommendations from a certain toy soldier standing guard of a certain (FAO Schwartz) toy factory today. So off we went! We hopped off the subway at 10PM and the streets were bustling. Love it! After a few slices of AMAZING NY cheese pizza, we roamed the streets trying to decide where to go first.

Why hello there, you sexy beast

Most places charge covers and Monique and I (being as cheap as we can possibly be,) refuse to pay any such amount. And then we see it. A sports bar! It seems pretty lively and it was showing the Lakers game (which can I just say - I think I have seen more Lakers games here than I ever have in LA. Is the country obsessed?)

So we head inside. Holy Lamar Odom, it's packed! Monique and I literally cannot move a muscle. We somehow get jostled and pushed to the back of the cramped bar and are literally stuck side to side while beer and wine spill all over us. Oy. Annoyance.

Everyone is glued to the flat screens that adorn the walls and there we are stuck in an orgy of alcohol and basketball. Not my scene. Seriously. We decide to bail. Well that was kind of a bust.

Back on the street, we see a blues bar advertising live music and no cover, so we head in. Again this tiny bar is cramped to capacity, (I guess we're not the only cheap ones in the city?) We're ushered into a back corner of the room, where there's a live blues singer and her piano player. She is awesome!

We stand around and the server comes over to tell us there is a two drink per person minimum.... (of course there is.) So we each buy a couple tiny, overpriced, watered down drinks and the singer walks off stage after one more song. Bummer. She's done for the night, and we decide to leave.

We decide to go to Times Square to look for fun. And it didn't disappoint. The place is bustling even at 2am. Monique wants to dance now, she's in 'the mood.' So we head into the first place we hear playing music. The name of the place is Toxic. Which we really should have taken that as a sign, but naively walked in anyway.

Juan from Chile!

No one's even dancing. Hmm. We grab a table, I order a beer and out of nowhere a short bespectacled man with a backpack slams his hand on our table.

"HI!!! I AM JUAN. I AM FROM CHILE!!!!" He screams in his thick accent. "I buy you SEXY LADIES DRINKS YES?!" He turns to me and screams in my ear. "YEEEEESSSSS?"

He is obviously drunk. Monique politely refuses while I nod my head - yes. Yes, he can buy me a drink. What? He wanted to buy us a souvenir...

In the meantime security comes over and takes him and his backpack outside. Poor guy. He just seemed so excited to be in America and to buy some sexy ladies drinks!

The security guard comes back and looks at Monique, "Sorry about that. You have got to be careful when you look as fine as you do." Monique smiles and brushes her hair out of her eyes. Oh Please.

Suddenly Chilean boy runs back in giggling and Security-Man goes after him, again.

I sit back with my drink wondering why tonight such a dud is. Last week we had a great time with Clarence McGee and Sugabrows. Why the change tonight? Contemplating our situation, I switch seats to be closer to Monique. I had been sitting in the aisle and was continually getting bumped by drunken fools staggering towards the bathroom.

As I switch seats, a man from a table behind us gets up and approaches Monique and I. He walks over to me, leans in (much, much too close,) and in a voice that could have been Barry White says:

"My friends over there could not help but notice you switched seats, this must be so that you could get a better look at me, right?"

I burst out laughing.

I mean, yes I normally would be creeped out by this, sure. But this never happens in LA! I mean guys never walk up to me and lay down cheesy lines. They normally just criticize my toes and ask for sex. (Charming, I know.)

I'm honestly flattered! NY men are much bolder. Apparently.

Not wanting to hurt his ego but not wanting to give him the wrong impression (I'm really not interested), I tell him "Oh, no. I was just moving so that I could stop being bumped in my seat. "

"Oh Ok...I see." An awkward pause. He turns and goes back to his table and Monique and I start laughing again. Just then another guy from the SAME TABLE approaches Monique.

I know what you like...

"I couldn't help but notice you shaking your foot in my direction. This must be because you wanted me to come over and rub it for you, right?"

OK. Now it's just weird.

Um, are these guys for real?

Monique (who is charmingly serious,) explains to him that she is really not looking for a foot (or any other kind of) rub. She then explains kindly that it's not a flirting technique either, well not where we're from anyway.

Seriously, what have I been missing? Are these the new East Coast techniques to attract the opposite sex? Is that what all the cool kids are doing? Switching seats and shaking their foots? A new kind of loco-motion?

Monique and I finish our drinks and then her suitor walks over again and asks if she wants to dance.

"But no one else is dancing!" She exclaims obviously.

"Well maybe we could start something." He responds, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh, this is too much fun to watch. I guess his answer was too good for her. They get up and start dancing, staying pretty busy till last call.

So I guess last night wasn't that bad in the end. I mean, it will definitely remain as a fond memory of our trip. All in all New York was amazing as it always is. The one thing that is always true here is you never know what's going to happen. Not that LA is predictable in the slightest, but come on - there's no place like NY.

And now I return home. To my dog. And my dog is fabulous, but I have to say it would be nice to have some sort of a relationship to come home to. Open arms, as Journey would say. What? I love Journey! Who doesn't?

I think my next trip will be to San Francisco. Any tips guys?

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