Dear readers, you have just entered a brave new world, the world of single life. It is a scary world but we will travel through it together! I will tell you about my experiences in dating and in trying to find that special someone, and what I have found instead. I hope in the process you will find humor in these stories and that you will laugh. You might even learn a thing or two about what it's like to be single in LA! (aka hell.)

Allow me to introduce myself; I am just your average city girl with more than your typical share of very odd experiences. I am sometimes perplexed as to what I have done or why these things seem to ALWAYS happen to me. My friends will even tell you that all the creeps seem to be attracted to me. See? I have witnesses.

So I have decided to chronicle my strange experiences. They usually center around an encounter with the opposite sex, which would explain why I am still single. I figure when life gets too crazy, you just have to laugh, or else you will cry...believe me, I would know!

My first entry is titled, Are you Jewish?

One particular Saturday night I was out with some of my girlfriends at one of our favorite bars in town. As usual, it was stuffed to full capacity with a very loud live band playing exceptionally bad covers of 70's rock ballads. Out of nowhere I was approached by a somewhat good looking guy, who started his smooth conversation with, "Hey I'm Nate. I'm in Physics."

I paused, thinking to myself...really? I mean who walks up to someone and introduces themselves with their college major? Like "Hi I'm Rebecca I cook!" Or "Hey I'm Carl, I weave baskets!" Is that what the kids are doing these days? Did I miss the memo? Later I learned Physics was the name of his band....of course everyone you meet is a musician. That should have been my first clue to run. Fast.

After chit-chatting about random things like the band, the weather, and the alarming rate at which the ice caps are melting, he offered to buy me a drink. I was the designated driver for the night, and I responsibly informed my male suitor of my duties. After some debate whether one drink would really affect my driving abilities, he got the message that I was not taking him up on his offer. He still insisted I escort him while he ordered yet another libation. So I go. After a few attempts at pulling me in closer to himself at the bar, and me putting out my best, I'm sorry I just met you, I am not your property nor your security blanket vibe, he finally got the idea and stopped pawing at me.

Then the female doubt kicks in. Am I being too harsh on the guy? Maybe. Maybe I should let up a little, cut him some slack. I mean he is trying right? I decide to be nicer.

I smile up at him and he smiles back. I start thinking, hey, this might go somewhere! He looks at me, leans in and intently asks me a question...

"Are you Jewish?"

What?!?

Did he really just ask me that? Out of nowhere? And what am I supposed to say? Uh...did I leave my yellow star at home? Do you want my papers? I mean I've never walked up to someone I just met and asked, "Hey...are you Buddhist?" But once again, my womanly compassion steps in and I realize, he is probably a fellow member of the tribe looking for compatibility! Aw!

"Um yeah. Why, are you?"

"No I am Catholic."

Well, crap.

Before I can reply, he utters a phrase that shakes the very foundations of the earth.

"So...your people killed my god!"

Uh...EXCUSE ME?

Every fiber of my being told me to just walk away, but I couldn't resist one little jab, "Well your people killed my people!"

The battle of the wits had finished as quickly as it had begun.

Perhaps he is still standing on the dance floor drink in hand, I really don't know what happened to him after I walked away...straight into an equally strange scenario involving a Woody Allen lookalike who stalked me at a Jewish fundraiser.

Stay tuned to Virtual Jerusalem to hear the gory details of that not-so-sizzling evening....coming soon!

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