Once a very important person told me that I'm supposed to have several mitzvah making babies. It's a long, elaborate story that I won't get into now, but I will say that I took it seriously...

The dream.

considering who it came from. It kind of struck me. See, I've never really seen myself as the mother type. I am too nervous to raise kids in today's day and age, but somewhere deep inside I do have a nagging feeling that I should probably start looking for a Mitzvah Making Baby Man...if I want to have mitzvah making babies. (Logic.)

With this in mind, I have to tell this story. A while back during the High Holiday's I was out grocery shopping with Natasha and her mom. We had been up and down and back and forth and around the entire Jewish section of LA buying all our last minute groceries and we still had one more stop to make.

We were exhausted, but we needed to stop by the bakery. I needed cookies and challah. So on our way home we dropped by a lovely little kosher bakery that will remain nameless.

Over dinner, I was so busy going over the Mitzvah Making Baby Man theory with Natasha and her mom, that I forgot to go to the bathroom before we left. So when we got to the bakery, I ran in, desperate to find a restroom and stopped straight in my tracks.

There he was. My mitzvah making baby man!!!

I had been to this bakery several times before, but I had never seen this guy. This is someone you remember. He is tall, dark and very handsome. And he is standing there behind the bakery counter like a giant cookie angel.

I suppose I was staring at him, but I couldn't help it. I was completely smitten with his blue eyes. He smiled at us and started helping us with the bakery order, all the while cracking jokes and... giving us free cookies! I'm a total sucker for a free cookie!

And all the while I am melting into a giant Natalie puddle, covered with cookie crumbs. I cannot even explain this to you. Imagine a blue-eyed George Clooney in a kipah.

Like this only way better!

Oh boy. Just thinking of him now makes me smile!

Gorgeous continues chatting with us and packing our baked goods and I notice that Natasha's mom has a giant smile on her face too. I pull Natasha over and whisper to her. "I think he's kind of hot!"

Imagine my surprise when she busts out with "I KNOW!!!! I've seen him here before lots of times, I think he's just dreamy..." Natasha sighs.

"Alright, calm down, you do have a boyfriend Natasha." (In the animal world this is called 'marking your territory.')

"I know I know." She responds looking over her shoulder at him and grinning like the Cheshire cat.

At this point I turn back to the counter and cannot help but wonder if Natasha's mom has her own crush on the Mitzvah Making Baby Man... is Natasha's mom blushing? Oh my gosh, this guy has some sort of magical power that is making us all giddy little school girls. It is ridiculous. He has three intelligent women smiling and giggling and ordering waaaaay too many pastry products!

We stayed longer than we should have, and when we did leave, we departed with huge smiles and even bigger grocery bags. We make it to the car, quoting, actually quoting this guy... and it's like we are all on some kind of love potion. I mean he was magical.

When we reach the vehicle, I suddenly realize I still have to go to the bathroom, really badly. Natasha's mom who thirty minutes ago was ready to fight me over who used the facilities first still has to go too! A man must be absolute magic if he can make you forget that you are dying to reach a restroom, right? We end up stopping over at Trader Joes, relieve ourselves, and end up picking a few extra items. When we reach the cash register, we are STILL talking about him.

Natasha, who is somewhat of a chatterbox begins telling the cashier that we are not merely on crack, but that the reason the three of us are all so glowing and happy is because of this magical man. I chime in, (I mean, we had to tell him something, he probably thought we were all drunk!) and in under two minutes, the cashier starts smiling and is happy, it's like we are passing this glow around. It's great!

All the way home, we stay in this state of euphoria. Like happy little (KOSHER) clams! So then I start thinking of a game plan. Next time I go in there, what should I do to make him think I'm a good Jewish girl? Natasha suggests I walk in with a sefer Torah and sit down and read while eating a bowl of matzah ball soup.

"Oh hi there! I'm just here reading my Torah book..."

Natasha is brilliant sometimes. It might work?

Natasha's mom gave us a skeptical look. "What if he's married?"

"HE DIDN'T HAVE A RING!"

Oops. Natasha and I spoke simultaneously and much too loudly. But he really didn't have a ring. I checked! Apparently we all checked. Hmm.

Needless to say, I have gone back to the bakery many times since then looking for Mr. Mitzvah Making Baby Man, but with no such luck. Last week I went in (very hopefully) to pick up some Hamentashen, and spent quite a while there. Ok, Ok. I was there forever, buying all sorts of things just hoping he would pop in.

I finally realized that I was harassing the girl behind the counter and I would never ever be able to eat the amount of cookies I was buying. He wasn't coming. Reluctantly, I paid and grabbed my stuff. Then as I was walking out the door, he walked in!

Why God? Why?

My future - please?

That's my life, isn't it?

I refuse to give up. I have to go to pick some stuff up for Shabbat, so there's still hope! Cross your fingers everyone.

By the way, on a whole other note - I do have an update for all you invested readers, who remember last week's catastrophe with Levi and Shoshanna. After all the drama that ensued, and that horrible awkward night, I have since found out that not only did they move in together (After their committed 14 day relationship,) but also that it turns out that Shoshanna is pregnant with Levi's baby. I kid you not. She then kicked him out, and now I have no idea what is going on.

My future. Please?
It's all so strange. You can't make this stuff up, it's so off the wall. I feel very sorry for both of them, but then I wonder about how stupid you have to be to get yourself into such a situation. I don't know what will happen with them, but I do hope it works out for the kid's sake at least.

Which just goes to show you that you should be very careful in choosing your future children's father. I know I will be extremely picky in choosing a mate and will accept nothing but the best bakery owner I can find!

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