I think it's safe to say that my JDate adventures have not worked out the way I imagined they. I mean I figured it would be difficult to find someone online, but it is really, really hard!

I don't know if you remember my last post, when I told you I was talking to a new JDate guy... lets call him John.

John and I talked to each other online a few times before he asked for my number. I've actually become very open to giving my number out online. Too open apparently.

I tell him to call me. Then I wait three days. Can someone tell me where this three-day rule came from? Every single guy I have talked to and then given my number to have all waited three days to call and I don't know why!

Like clockwork, three days later, I hear from John. Now I have to give you a little background here. John messaged me first and our chats were all your typical chit-chatty stuff. He told me about his degree in bio-chemistry, and his job at Abercrombie and Fitch. (shudder.) We talked about family and he mentioned he has a friend's wedding coming up and he wanted someone to take. (I CAN RELATE. With all the weddings I've been to this year, I wouldn't have minded going with someone to one of them.)

He mentions wanting to take me. It's a little soon for a wedding invite, but ok - maybe an option? We chatted online a few more times, and that's when I gave him my number. After the customary three day waiting period I get a text. Now, I really dislike texting, but I go along with it. The first day. The second day. We literally text for days and days!

At one point, I had enough and texted him, asking him to call me. No reply. The next day he texts me back, really late. I text him the following day, etc. This is a moronic cycle, any fool can see that, right? Finally, at my request, he agrees to actually call me over the weekend, when (he makes sure to mention,) his grandmother is coming over.

So far this is bearable. Especially considering the fact that the last JDate guy I was talking to texting one day greeted me with: "So.... how much tongue do you like?"

OMG. Good Jewish Boys Gone Bad is so not my thing.
The modern method of pursuit...


But one JDate at a time - back to John and this phone call I was looking forward to.

 

  • Once the weekend arrives John texts me to tell me he will call me later.
  • He then texts me at 6pm to tell me he's eating dinner with grandma and he will call me later.
  • He then...you guessed it, texts me around 8pm saying he's watching a movie with grandma, he'll call me later.


By this point - I am losing my mind. He doesn't have to call, as long as he just stops texting!!!!

But since I am a girl, I couldn't help but looking at my watch throughout the night and when he still hadn't called at 11PM, I figured it was a lost cause.

And then... he texts me.

"Hey, I'm just putting Grandma to bed."

UM. OK. That's pretty creepy.

Who puts their Grandma to bed?

 Grandma Texter
And why am I STILL WONDERING IF HE WILL CALL ME? He is a compulsive texter with an obviously strange relationship with his Grandma, and somehow I still feel frustrated that he hasn't called! This is ridiculous!

 I end up falling asleep on the couch, and in the morning when I wake up, I actually had a missed call. The words on my screen were almost impressive. 'MISSED CALL - JOHN.' I definitely wasn't imagining it.

When I call him back, and surprise, surprise, he doesn't answer. Oddly enough, he doesn't text back either. In fact I do not hear from John AT ALL for another whole week when he TEXTS me with: 'Hey! Happy Halloween!"

I send back a generic greeting because I am a lady, and immediately my phone beeps again.

The text message read: "What is wrong with women?"

 I stared at it... then replied: "Excuse me?"

BEEP.

"I just don't understand them!!!!!"

I briefly wonder if he remembers that I am one of them. But before I can make up my mind, texts start flying in. I will spare you the exact quotes, but the gist of it stems around him telling me about  an ongoing relationship he has been having with a girl he is sure will break his heart.

Despite knowing that it is a little weird giving a prospective date, dating advice or
Truth.
comfort, I find myself telling him that perhaps he just doesn't understand women yet. (And probably never will.)

SERIOUSLY, who tells someone he is talking to and wants to 'date', about a girl he is DATING???????

I just can't believe these guys.

As if reading my mind, he blurts out (a text that says) "I never thought we would work because I'm afraid of the distance."

"Really?" I reply, "The distance from the valley to the city you mean?"

"I'm bad with directions." He replies.

Uh, NOT JUST DIRECTIONS MY FRIEND. Seeing as I was getting nowhere and I was quite fed up with him,  I stop replying to his messages. A few more dozen texts ensued before he finally got the point. I guess I'm just one more girl to break his heart.

He's lucky I didn't break his cell phone.