Well its official. I am a glutton for punishment. I almost can't believe it but it's true.

I decided to go back to my local synagogue for Friday night Shabbat service, you know, the same one I went to for Speed Schmoozing. I thought that despite how that turned out, I should open myself up for some new possibilities. Hah. All I got was this story.

Part of what convinced me to go was my good friend Yarden. Yarden just moved here from Chicago and she wanted to go to the Friday night Shabbat service in order to meet some new people. So I agreed to go with her thinking I might have better luck that night. Oh Natalie. When will I learn?

I swing by Yarden's apartment and we drive over to the synagogue. And just like last time after the Shabbat service, all the 20-30 something's are ushered upstairs to the open roof "lounge."

I should tell you that my friend Yarden is pretty hot. Honestly. I can say that because we have known each since Jr. high, and because I have working eyeballs.

The minute we get to the roof, all the Jewish mama boys have got their eyes on her, tracing her every move. I think one or two even drooled. And here's the thing, I am a self-confident girl, and I look pretty good myself...but when EVERY guy there had their eyes popping out of their heads in her direction, in a cartoon'esque manner, it was a little unsettling.

We were up there for roughly fifteen seconds when we were mobbed by every single guy there.

The first one to approach our corner is... well let's call him "the communicator." He introduces himself as Alan. Alan is a lawyer. And Alan proceeds to tell us a lot about himself. Much more than we were looking for in fact.

Alan gives us a toothy grin and proclaims: "I'm writing a self-help dating book that is about helping people communicate with each other."

Huh. I think, good luck. There are only 9,000 of those on the market already, right?

While I am politely rolling my eyes to the very back of my head, Alan suddenly feels the need to tell us how fabulous our communication skills are.

"Thanks." we mutter, as I try very hard not to roll my eyes again.

"Sure." (toothy smile) "So, what kind of things to do you like communicating about?"

If only I knew the right answer to that one. Yarden mumbled something non-committal about everyday issues and world news, and he immediately rebounded with: "Well, what kind of things do you like guys to communicate to you?"

Uh, yeah.... a little bit weird, right?

He looks like an older guy and sure enough, he mentions that this is his last year coming to these events because he is 39 (40 is the cut off age for this event.) I'm nodding for no reason whatsoever when he suddenly blurts out: "Yeah, my mom really wants me to get married!"

OK. This guy communicates a little too much.

Our companions for the night...

Alan also has this insane eye contact. He stares intently, holding your gaze until you think he can see your soul. Which is very intense and very creepy as well. When Yarden walked away to get a drink, I couldn't blame her, but way to ditch me!

It must be noted that Alan the Communicator seems to lose interest "communicating" with me after Yarden walks away.

But like a trooper, he forces himself to have a conversation until Yarden returned. And when she did, Alan lit up like a firecracker on the fourth of July. I suddenly had a feeling that it was going to be an extremely long night.

Yarden and I look at each other with a why are we are still talking to him look, and then miraculously, out of nowhere, a girl Yarden used to go to school with recognizes her and they start talking.

Again I am left with Alan, who is now not only analyzing my every word but also my body language. He is analyzing, aka, eying my bosom and speaking rapidly about posture, while I am racking my brain trying to come up with some questions I could ask him. Questions that I really don't care to be answered, but I keep hearing Natasha's voice in the back of my head telling me to be more 'open and accepting' to guys.

After a conversation I had with Natasha a few weeks back, I decided that it was time and I am going to do it! I am going to be open and alluring to men. After the horrible speed schmooze incident she told me I was too 'shut off 'around guys and if I 'invested more effort' when talking to men, they would be more interested in me.

And you know, this might have been true, if it wasn't for Yarden.

If I had walked in naked with a landing strip painted on me I would not, I could not have gotten more attention than Yarden did that night.

At this point, my 'communication' with Alan now feels like it had lasted for ten years. Still, I am smiling and asking inquiring questions hoping that maybe he will see how interested I am in him. (But am I?) He tells me more about his book and how being a divorce lawyer, taught him proper communication techniques. Apparently these magical techniques can be used to make or break a case, and also it helps him out in the dating world! He nudges me with a wink.

Well I'm sorry, but he's 40 and single at a Shabbat service looking for a wife, quoting his mother, and nudging girls as they die from misery. I don't know how well his self-help book will do.

At this point I realized that if I ever heard the word 'communication' again, I would die for real. Luckily, at that point, Yarden found me, but she now has a tail. A creepy Israeli guy trailing her.

I guess when you lose one weirdo, you pick up another.

When he tries to talk to her..."eh, can I talk with you private?" Yarden ignores him, grabs me and we head for the alcohol. And we deserve it! That guy won't stop following her! Wow, normally I attack the creeps....

Israeli-stalker follows us over to the drink station and continues trying to talk to Yarden. She lies politely, telling him that we're looking for someone and she grabs my hand and we disappear into the crowd, walking around until we lose him.

We wind up running into a pair of guys. I honestly don't remember either of their names, so we will call them Frenchie and Surfer Boy.

Both of them are noticeably attracted to Yarden and start chatting her up immediately. (There's a shocker.) I stand aside like a good wingman and watch Surfer-Boy (who earned this title because he looks like a surfer boy and the word dude made an appearance in between every other word.)

Surfer-Boy happens to be an accountant just like Yarden so they have plenty to talk about. Number, numbers, and more numbers. Chinese probably would have made more sense to me.

I block out the numerical verbiage, glance around the room and spot a really cute guy all by himself. Then the inner struggle begins. Should I go up and say hi? How would that go? But what have I got to lose? This evening hasn't gone the way I thought it would anyway!

Frenchie speaks. "So where are you from?"

Apparently he too was tired of the numbers (as fascinating as they allegedly are.) I smile at him, and tell him a little bit about myself, and he starts telling me his story. And it's so interesting!

Obviously, he is French, from the south of France actually. We talk food and travel, two of my absolute favorite subjects. And it's actually a pretty great conversation!

I'll take three!

He seems really nice, and I suddenly realize that he is pretty good looking too. Somewhere in my daydream of French babies and baguettes, The Communicator returns and asks if he can talk to Yarden privately, (I later found out that he gave her his number.) When he was charming it out of her, I was left alone with both Frenchie and Sufer-Boy. But in a split second, Surfer-Boy decides he wants to leave so they walk away. And I stand alone.

Sigh.

I wander over to a table in the back of the room and sit down. I sit at a table with a sign that says peanut free zone, thinking that there must be some pretty serious allergies here.

"This is a very discriminating table."

I look up and it's the guy I spotted earlier while I was talking to Frenchie. AH! What are the odds? This might be a good night after all!

I smile and say, "yeah they don't want any nuts at this table!"

"Well I have no peanuts on me. Can I join you?"

"Of course!" I say.

Just as he sits Yarden walks over and finds me at the table. Immediately my new friend looks up, (I'm not sure what his name is, we haven't got that far yet. Let's call him Bob!)

Bob gets up and introduces himself to Yarden as Simon.

Oh OK, Simon. Wait a minute... what's going on? Great! I am invisible tonight! How is it possible that as soon as Yarden walks up, she and Simon trade numbers and business cards? He was talking to me! About nuts! What is HAPPENING?

I know Yarden had no idea that I liked the look of him, and I'm guessing that he didn't either, but it's not like I had a chance to tell either of them, is it? Now I'm annoyed. At what? At everything. I don't even know.

Suddenly a disembodied voice tells everyone to clear out and everyone is ushered to the exit. Thank goodness. I was sooooo ready for the night to be over.

As Yarden and I are walking out, surfer boy and Frenchie catch up to us.

"Hey! Hey Yarden, we're having a party soon. You should give us your number, so we can invite you!"

Wow. I am standing right there and they don't even give me a pity invite. I am so ready to go home. What is up with Jewish guys? No, I take it back. It has nothing to do with being Jewish. It is just men in general.

I was open and available! I smiled and asked inquiring questions! I looked genuinely interested in everything the guys told me and I laughed at all the appropriate times! So much for Natasha's advice. What does she know anyway?

I just don't get it.

The evening ended with Yarden getting 4 numbers and me getting none, (and giving none.) I never did tell Yarden that I liked Simon, but that's not really important. I hearthey went out a few times and that was pretty much it. Yarden is in a happy relationship now, and I am truly glad for her. I mean I love her to death and I'm not bitter towards her or anything. Just to men!

I have not been back to that Shabbat service since then, and I probably won't ever go again... unless I need a new story. I'll keep you posted. I am seriously starting to wonder if I will EVER meet anyone interested in me... in this city anyway. I guess there is always the east coast. Which reminds me, next week I will be writing to you....live from New York!!! I'm sure I'll have something to blog about!

Stay tuned!

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