This is the story of a man named after a Greek god. Is it a story of love and loss or a story of a young lover gored to death by wild boars? Perhaps both, perhaps neither.

This is the story of Natalie and Adonis.

A few weeks ago my good friend, Jennifer from Memphis was out visiting Natasha and I. Jennifer is what is known as the life of the party, and we just had to have a proper night out. We decided to take her to this club recommended by another good friend of ours.

We will never listen to her again. The Branded Outlaw ended up being a horrible cowboy bar, in the middle of literally nowhere, where nothing good ever, ever happens.

By the time we arrived, it was really late. This was mainly because we drove for almost an hour in the wrong direction. Thank goodness we had to stop for gas, otherwise we may have never have found out we were headed to Timbuktu.

While we were filling up, Natasha thought it would be hilarious to ask an officer sitting in his squad car, where the Branded Outlaw is in a fake southern accent. Needless to say, after her first shriek of "Officeeeeeeer!" he naturally assumed we were drunk.

If only.

Well, yeehaw!

After assuring him that we were all perfectly sober and responsible, we were back on the road and roughly 90 minutes later we arrive at the Branded Outlaw.

The place looks like a hole on the outside. But then you go inside where the sound of country music sweeping the dance floor, and cowboy spurs glistening in the reflection of the disco ball is almost too much to handle.

Not to be deterred, I decided to put aside my trepidation about the place and just enjoy the moment. We girls hustle down to the dance floor and line dance our troubles away.

After doing the electric slide and the Cotton Eyed Joe "jig" I decided to take a breather and headed off the dance floor. I sat down at a table all by myself and who decided to sit down next to me but this completely gorgeous, amazing hunk of a man. He was over 6 feet tall, well built, nicely dressed - dark and handsome with a killer smile. OMG. Did I luck out or what!

His name is Danny and I am completely smitten. He asks why I'm sitting by myself and I explained to him that I was just taking a break from all the dancing and waiting for my girlfriends. He tells me that he came out with some of his friends to celebrate one of them graduating from the fire academy. (You might remember that I ADORE Firefighters!)

We sat and talked for a while and I found out that he is originally from Cali, but went to school in Kansas and that he plays minor league football with some team in the Midwest now, ( Yeah girls, a football player!)

As we were talking, Natasha and Jenn caught up with us and I introduced them to my new friend. Of course they both love him as much as I do, and proceed to talk to him for what felt like the entire evening. (They're both quite chatty.)

After a bit, a group of Danny's friends approached us, and Danny explained to Natasha and Jennifer that they were celebrating the fire academy graduation.

Natasha's eyes lit up. "Really? Natalie LOVES firefighters!"

What I expected...

Danny smiled at me. "Oh really? Great! Adonis, come here!"

Um. What?

Adonis?

There are real live people named ADONIS?

Well this could be interesting!

Danny reaches his arm into the crowd of his friends and pulls out... a hobbit.

I know. I have written about meeting hobbits before. I know you might think I'm mean and judgmental, but there really is no other way to put it.

Adonis was a round faced, slightly plump gentlemen who appeared to be about 5'4. And he was drooling. Obviously totally wasted.

What I got...

You can imagine my shock. I was expecting Hercules and got Bilbo Baggins. (By the way, this is why parents should give their children nice normal names.)

Adonis proceeded to walk up to me and give me a giant bear hug. The fumes of alcohol nearly made me pass out and it took me a moment to recover. I suddenly realized that Jenn, Natasha and Danny had moved over to the pool table near where we were sitting and I was alone with... Adonis.

I tried to brush him off, but he was persistent.

"Give me a kiss!"

"No!"

"But I graduated from the fire academy!"

"Great."

"Give me a KISS!"

"NO." I tried to get up but he shrieked "WAIT!"

"What?!"

"Give me a kiss!"

"I said no."

"But it's my birthday!"

I stared at him suspiciously. "It's still a no."

"You should come to my fire house's open house!"

"Uh, no thanks."

"But you LOVE FIREFIGHTERS."

I simply must remember to kill Natasha. Adonis inched nearer to me. "Here, here! Write down the address so you won't forget where it is!"

I spent the next five minutes patiently explaining to him that I would not be able to go, and then he spent the following five minutes insisting that I had to, repeating the address over and over out loud.

To add insult to injury, the whole time Adonis was slobbering on me, Natasha and Jenn were obviously having a great time with Danny, talking and laughing and waving at Adonis and I. Just great.

Adonis is literally too drunk to stand, and when he began again with the "Can I have a kiss?" chant I had enough. I walked away by myself and sat down on a bench outside. A couple minutes later Natasha, Jenn and Danny all come walking outside to find me, and Adonis follows too.

He approaches me and before I can do a thing, he literally sits on my lap and bursts into a chorus of Achy Breaky Heart as I desperately tried to pry his bottom off my lap.

Natasha, Jenn and Danny all seem to be highly entertained by this. I shot them horrible glares and I think I may have flipped them off a few times too. Can you blame me? It was all too annoying!

I managed to rid myself of Adonis and as I stood up, I finally realized that I drove there, so I could leave any time! I point this out to Natasha and Jenn and suddenly it's not so funny. They must have realized I was not finding any of this to be particularly amusing. Seeing as we had all had enough of the cowboy bar (for a lifetime,) we decided to head out and Danny walked us to our car. He was a really nice guy and he gives all of us his number (playing the odds, right?!)

In the car I pointed out to Natasha and Jenn that they are evil for abandoning me and how would they like it if they were stuck with an intoxicated repetitive hobbit for half the night? Their counterargument was that I could have 'gotten up and walked away' at any time. Whatever. I'm much too sensitive for weird men's feelings as we all know by now.

The bright side of this story is that since that night I've talked to Danny a few times and he's a really nice guy. We haven't been able to see each other since but we'll see what happens. I never did go to Adonis' open house. I know the guy was drunk and that was probably why he was so obnoxious, but he just didn't make a good impression. For some odd reason I don't like guys drooling all over me regardless of the reason why. He's probably just a nice guy who needed a night out and then got beyond wasted. I do wish him well and hope he finds someone equally as nice who will want to visit his fire house and give him kisses... but I'm just not that girl.

<-- Natalie's fun with online dating this way
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