What is it about kids that they don't want to go to sleep at night? Do they REALLY think monsters are in the closet? I have had my own sweaty nightmares of opening my closet to get my shoes only to find my sister in law handing me my shoes and a Summons and Complaint so bad dreams happen to big people, too!
With my kids, it's beginning to rub off on me. Tonight for example my youngest daughter "couldn't sleep." Tovah decided against a bath "because it would make her sick." Reality? She didn't want her glitter butterfly tattoo on her face painted on at a party to come off! Her religious day school will not appreciate her attending school looking like Lady Gaga. Finally, she falls asleep.
Aviva summons me insisting I lie down with her, as SHE can't sleep She sees "eyes" looking at her from the ceiling. I convince this psychotic little person that there are NO EYES ON HER CEILING! Scolding her for staying up past bedtime. As she starts to fall off to sleep I feel her warmth in her slumber and I get sleepy but as I glance up at the ceiling I see TWO EYES STARING AT ME!
I leap out of the bed trying to convince myself I don't see this! But, it's too real! Two green eyes looking at my green eyes! I jump and turn on the light waking both children. Now they're up and I'm up and I look like I've just had a Lindsay Lohan meltdown as I'm shaking and telling them to go back to sleep. "Shut off the lights, Mommy! My eyes hurt!" They start to complain but I've got one eye on them and one eye on that ceiling.
Those eyes are coming from somewhere and of course my famous noisy neighbor starts her furniture moving at 9:30 PM on a Sunday night. My fans know my about my noisy neighbor. She always insists it's not "her." Maybe it's just ONE of her personalities making the ruckus but that's not the point!
Lights are off, Aviva goes into REM sleep and I feel the hair stand on my arms...I realize that I see "eyes", alright. It's the reflection of those "glow in the dark" bracelets given to my kids at the party today! Had one of my cats not picked it up and ran off with it I was headed for the mental institution. Clearly, comedy is causing me hallucinations!
My funniest column this may not be.... but scariest? YES!
To my fans that came to The Laugh Factory this Saturday, many didn't know about VJ and wrote me telling me how much you love my column. Hope I didn't scare you away! Come back and "Eye" will see you next week and always tune in to Virtual Jerusalem! We tell you like it is.... and like it was!
Aviva summons me insisting I lie down with her, as SHE can't sleep She sees "eyes" looking at her from the ceiling. I convince this psychotic little person that there are NO EYES ON HER CEILING! Scolding her for staying up past bedtime. As she starts to fall off to sleep I feel her warmth in her slumber and I get sleepy but as I glance up at the ceiling I see TWO EYES STARING AT ME! 
