Hello world, did you miss me?

I missed you too, but my lovely readers I hope our time apart has only allowed you to grow fonder of me! I hope your summer has been pleasant and this ridiculous heat bearable. (Do you have any idea how big Jewish hair gets in heat and cold?)

I'm sure you noticed that I took a few days (Ahem, weeks -Ed.) off from my writings... this is only because so much has been going on in my life that I have had no free time whatsoever. You see, I got a promotion at work (pauses for applause), and that has pretty much been sucking away every ounce of time I have. Sigh. I'm planning another trip to New York this fall though! (Hopefully we can run into sugabrows again?)

Amongst a thousand other things, one thing that has not changed at all is the fact that I'm STILL trying to find places and/or situations to put myself in to meet new and interesting men who, with any luck, are not psychopathic raving pervy lunatics.

And I have to say I was hoping. After all, summer always brings around adventure and romance, right? Wrong.. I guess it just doesn't do it for me. I have had some adventures this summer, sure, but none I thought would be worth sharing until now.

So here's the question: what happens when you tell literally everyone you know something incredibly exciting, but it's not true?

I decided to mess around with my Facebook the other night. I was on my computer at 2AM, doing nothing, which is really all anyone does on Facebook. So I figure I might as well spruce up my profile, right?

I change some things, like my work status, (I want everyone to know I got a promotion, you see) and I kindly added my brother to my siblings status... and then I see the relationship status button.

I hate that button. It taunts me. That button has remained on single since I opened my profile three years ago. Kinda depressing, but I'm fine with it. Actually, I have no choice, so I'm fine with it.

At that moment insanity in the guise of inspiration hits.

You know how when you change your relationship status you can choose with whom you are in a relationship with? You pick married to/divorced from/in a relationship with and then you fill in the blanks.

For example, Brad Pitt's facebook probably says: "In a relationship... with Angelina Jolie." Facebook thoughtfully arranged this feature

My boyfriend, Mr. Cheese.

so the entire world can see who your significant other is.

So I suddenly realized what I should do!

I should change my status!

I mean this could be HILARIOUS. I could make up something ridiculous like I'm in a relationship with food... or better yet, my favorite kind of food? CHEESE.

Yes! I could put up that I am in a relationship with cheese. Ha! BRILLIANT!!!!

So off I go. I pull up the relationship status, I click in a relationship and under 'with' I type cheese.

Awesome.

I click save and look at my handiwork, but it's a bit odd. It only shows that I am in a relationship.

Where did the cheese go?

Then I realized that Facebook is stupid and it only allows you to show who you are in a relationship with if that other person, (or food item,) has a profile. Hmm.

I weigh my options.

When cheese goes bad...

I could make a profile for cheese.

Nah. I'm much too tired, and anyway, I don't have any good pictures of cheese. Besides, if I'm thinking of making up fake profiles for cheese instead of men, that's a sign that I really need to get off the computer.

So I let it go, I log off and go to sleep.

The next day goes by and when I log back into my profile later that evening, there are about a hundred comments on my "changed relationship status".

OH NO.

Oh no no NO.

It turns out that Facebook helpfully notified the main feed on all my friend's pages with: "Natalie is in a relationship!"

And there they are. Comment after comment. Everything from,"Mazel tov!" to "You go girl!" to "Umm, you need you call me!" to "Did your brother hack your Facebook again?" (Gee THANKS for that one, Sheila.)

Well, NOW WHAT DO I DO?

Every single one of my friends thinks I am in a relationship now. This would only happen to me! Why, why did I touch the forbidden button?

I realize that if I change the relationship status back immediately, I could tell everyone it was a mistake and that I didn't mean to do it. I mean, I can't very well tell them I was planning to make a cheese profile page.

That's the solution. I should change it back.

But then again... everyone is so happy and excited! I almost don't want to tell them. I mean my profile has not seen this much action in ages! (And neither have I for that matter.) I sign off without saying anything, and I don't change my status either. Not just yet. I'm hoping this will just blow over.

How far can I take this?

But it doesn't. It only grows and grows, and soon one by one, my closer friends that know me best, start calling and texting me. I seriously start to contemplate if I could keep this charade going. I mean like I said, everyone is so happy for me, and I do like the attention. I'd just feel so bad coming clean. And hey, doesn't everyone invent a boyfriend at one point or another in their lives? Don't they?

But of course my sense returns to me and I know I shouldn't make something like that up. (Actually, it's more like I couldn't make something like this up, people would soon grow suspicious of the fact they never meet said fictional boyfriend. You know people, they always assume the worst).

It had to be done. I gradually come clean to my friends and I explain the story. Of course those that know me best, were not entirely surprised since they completely understand the kind of situations I tend to get myself into.

"It will make a great story." Natasha tells me, when I tell her what happened.

"Yes. Yes I suppose it will," I reply glumly.

"Don't worry" she says, "There's a Jewish singles thing in Beverly Hills next week that I have tickets to."

I roll my eyes.

"Unless you'd rather keep making up relationships with food groups? I hear that peanut butter is looking for his soul mate," she retorts.

So... yeah. She's dragging me to this event and we'll see where this goes. Hopefully I can get a few stories that aren't quite as sad as this one. I'll make sure to fill you in...

What happened at the singles event, and meeting Grandpa stalker -->
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