Now an annual event, I start my summer at my dentist's office. I think he's a closet photographer because he has more photos of my teeth than I do headshots! 

During a serious consultation, he tells me that implants will change my life and really help my career...

He then adds, "You really have no other alternative."

I'm shocked! Implants?! Insecure women get implants, not obnoxious Jersey girls! 

Under the nitrous I shout "no way!" Which comes out like "uh ay!"

With a serious George Clooney expression, the doctor says:  Sunda, it's implants.... or dentures."

OH! He's talking about teeth implants!!!

Any other time I'd be laughing at this point, but I was ready to cry!  Who has money for this?  I call my husband from the chair to kvetch and he tells me "just get dentures!" 

I'm screaming: "I should have married the dentist!" He's screaming: "Your teeth should have been fixed when I married you!"  I hang up on him, which convinces the assistant that I'm crazy, but what can I say, I'm frustrated!  I've always taken care of my teeth!

My favorite quote is: "Ignore your teeth and they'll go away!"  I never ignored my teeth! They ignored me!

Some people have a list of Hollywood contacts... well, I have a list of dental contacts! That's right, Sunda's NY tooth posse: endodondist, Dr. Joshua Brickman, my periodontist, Dr. James Jacobs, and Smiles New York's own: Dr. Stephen Roth.

I've been through more dentists than ex-boyfriends and most of my ex-boyfriends were dentists... and what do I do? I end up marrying a lawyer who has had maybe two cavities and one crown in his lifetime!

Meanwhile, I could sell my molars, melt them down and have a new mogen david swinging around my neck! Yeah... it's like that. A whole lot of money for something you really need... teeth! 

I remember dropping a guy once because he was a braggart. What sealed the deal was when he "bragged" over dinner (with spinach in-between his canines, for reals) "I never floss!"

Now, to a VJ reader that might sound like an odd reason to break up with someone, but once I saw his toothbrush, i was DONE. It looked like a dissected caterpillar! I knew we'd never be a couple but I bet he still has his teeth!

Life, obviously, is not fair, and so as I finish writing this column, I will prepare myself to get uptown to Dr. Roth and get my cleaning done and get my temporary bridge.

When people tell me I have a million dollar smile, they are so not kidding! I'm getting pretty close!

I promise to keep my VJ readers posted, as the day gets closer for my implants. (The other kind would have been cheaper!)

I love New York and New York loves my money! 

If you're in town on August 16th, and you want to see my teeth, I'll be performing at Stand Up New York. located at 236 west 78th street. Call 212.595-0850 for reservations and don't forget to floss! 

Stay tuned to VJ! Telling you like it is and... like it was