Just into 2012, and already we're quaking with problems. Both the doomsayers and the synaptically fused, interpreting the ancient Mayan calendar, are promoting the idea that the world will end, that the big shalom will come, on December 21, 2012.
Not to take this dire prediction too personally, but that's the date of my wedding anniversary. The world has to end then? Couldn't the Mayans have found a better date? My in-laws usually send a really nice gift.
And there's another problem. On the day the world is supposed to go kaboom, besides interfering with our simchah, it's also a Friday. People, this Mayan end game is going to mess with Shabbat.
Now that's a conflict.
On that day, candle lighting time will come early, since it's the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. That's not the problem. It's all the citywide-sized sinkholes, falling debris, and other unspecified "veys mere" in the atmosphere that undoubtedly will start falling during dinner that I just know will ruin a perfectly good day of rest.
Not that I want to be too pushy here, but can't we reschedule? Can't doomsday be on a Thursday like Thanksgiving? I mean, when it comes to calendaring, Jews get tired of every organization on earth (sometimes it seems) forgetting our holy days. Graduations, college finals, SAT's, even the World Series, all seem to be unvaryingly scheduled on Jewish days of joy and rest. Just this once, can't the date-setters cut us some slack?
It's not like I'm asking to reschedule Christmas (Come to think of it, won't that have to be done as well?). The end of the earth is a day warranting serious attention, (a little like Tisha B'Av, Yom Kippur, and wishfully, Passover rolled into one), and Jews will not want to miss it. Like any holiday, we will want to get ready. There will be cooking and a little housecleaning to do; maybe even some shopping at the "End-of-the world" sales. I imagine at the supermarket no one will even care about expiration dates.
Given an extra week or two, Jewish newspapers would have time to run "Earth-Ender" supplements. Editorial space would open for timely sections filled with commentaries like: "End of the World--Good for Israel, or Bad?" as well as for kugel recipes that don't require refrigeration, and lots and lots of ads for cruise specials.
With a big ka-blooey date change there would also be one more Shabbat for rabbis to get in that final sermon, and for temple planners to schedule an additional bar or bat mitzvah. Talk about a blow out party!
Besides, I don't think the Mayans would mind. A people with a calendar, builders of elaborate stone ball courts for team competition, and who no doubt had to deal with hurricane rainouts, you would think they would understand a make-up date. Maybe they even invented it.
As for our wedding anniversary? Regardless of whether the doomsday date can be changed, if you are planning to send a gift, please ship early.
