"Program '15 Yehezkel Street, Jerusalem' into your GPS, and we'll meet at Pessach's home [fictitious name and address]. He'll take us on a tour of the Chanukah menorahs in ultra-orthodox neighborhood of Mea Shearim. It'll be very interesting," said our friend Eran Rolls, calling us on the 3rd night of Chanukah. Eran was right - the visit turned out to be very interesting indeed.
We got to Jerusalem about half an hour ahead of the Rolls family. Pessach's apartment looked as if it had been transported from a little 19th century Jewish town. The walls had no windows and instead were covered by shelves crammed with religious books, and the main room was decorated with pictures of rabbis. The little children were in the corner of the kitchen, eating take-out pizza out of the box. Pessach's wife was dressed from head to toe in black, and her hair was enclosed in a black head covering. She did not greet us. I later learned that it was not simply because she observes extreme rules of modesty, but also because we lack a common language. "She speaks only Yiddish," explained Pessach.
Pessach dresses like a Haredi, looks like a Haredi, lives in a Haredi neighborhood, and is affiliated with the extreme ultra-orthodox Toldot Aharon sect, yet he showed an uncharacteristic openness to the world outside the Haredi community. As I walked into his apartment with my family, it suddenly dawned on me that I had never before sat in the living room of an ultra-orthodox Jew. I realized I had been given an opportunity and I decided to be as open as I could, to listen carefully and to put aside my instinctive objections to many aspects of Haredi life.
At my request, Pessach described the lifestyle of his Haredi community. "An average family has about eight children. The children study 10-12 hours a day, all religious studies except for two hours of mathematics. There are no televisions or radios, and practically no computers. The only time we go on a trip is to visit the graves of holy people. I am one of the few in the community who owns a car. My wife and I got married at 19. It was an arranged marriage, as are all marriages here. There's almost no divorce, because the reasons we get married and our expectations from marriage are different from those of the non-Haredi community. Most members of the community live very frugally, practically hand to mouth. We carefully consider every shekel and every purchase, but, with the help of HaShem, we get by."
I asked about violence and conflicts, since they live in such cramped conditions. "There are clashes between different ideological groups within the Haredi community. Recently there have been conflicts between the Sicarii [a faction considered over-zealous even by the extreme Toldot Aharon] and the Gur Chasidim." He described the source of the conflict: "They're fighting over control of apartment buildings that were built over 100 years ago by donors from Europe as cheap housing for young people." I had to smile at his description, since this was clearly a very NON-ideological conflict.
By degrees I got to the difficult questions. "And what is your attitude to the State of Israel?"
"We are opposed to the existence of Israel," he answered pleasantly but firmly. "The existence of the State of Israel is delaying the redemption. We are waiting for the arrival of the Messiah son of David. Only when the Messiah arrives can we rebuild the Holy Temple." I asked him to describe how the country would look after the Messiah arrives. His eyes sparkled with excitement and his voice rose an octave. In my innocence I expected him to launch into a description of the prayers and the festivals, or perhaps to talk about Isaiah's messianic vision of "the wolf will dwell with the lamb" (Isaiah 11:6). But instead he began to paint a portrait of the animal sacrifices that would be offered up in the Third Temple. As he warmed to his subject, I began to worry that his detailed description of the sacrificial process would make my whole family vegetarians.
Out of respect for my host, and because I wanted to hear more of the worldview of his community, I refrained from asking Pessach the question that was threatening to burst from my lips: Does he truly believe that life under Turkish, Palestinian, or Iranian rule would be better for his community and would expedite the redemption?
With the arrival of the Rolls family, we lit the Chanukah candles and went out under Pessach's guidance for a tour of the Chanukah menorahs in the Haredi neighborhood. The lit candles twinkled in the windows and doorways of the homes, and gave off a soft, bright light. But it was a Thursday night, and I was distracted by the smells coming from the bakeries that were preparing challot bread for Shabbat. I activated the "bakery detector" in my experienced baker nose, and my younger daughter and I sniffed our way to the ultimate challah. That is the reason I was not by my wife's side when some local youths started harassing her about her "immodest dress". They must have been staring and imagining something, because in fact we were all dressed in long heavy coats due to the cold weather. The boys were lucky that Betsy was not forced to demonstrate her 2nd Dan black belt karate skills on them...
The evening reminded me of an afternoon many years ago, in the 1970's, when we sat beside the kibbutz swimming pool with Tal Faran, the youth counselor of our junior high school class. Tal, who was only a few years older than us, watched the Swedish girls who volunteered then at the kibbutz, and shared with us some of his life wisdom. "When a man's hormones don't have an outlet, they climb up his body. When they reach his eyes and brain, he stops seeing with his own eyes and stops using his brain." Tal's rather simplistic theory goes a long way to explain some of the recent incidents of bullying, humiliation and violence towards women. Examining the fears, complexes, and frustrations of men in the Haredi community could be more useful than focusing on the modesty or lack thereof of women.
In recent weeks, the word "hadara" has been appearing frequently in the Israeli media. I had always considered "hadara" to refer to respect and deference, to honoring the wise and the elderly, as it says in the Torah (Leviticus 19:32) "Stand up in the presence of the elderly, and show deference ("ve-hadarta") to the old, and be God-fearing." However, the recent public discourse has been concerned with a different meaning of "hadara": "exclusion" as in "the exclusion of women". In this sense, "hadara" is used to mean "to prevent" or "to distance". It would be better if the Haredi public would concern itself more with the first meaning - with respect and with being God-fearing - and less with the second meaning - excluding and degrading women.
To illustrate, I will end with a short story I found on the Internet:
"On the eve of Sukkot (the Tabernacles), Reb Aryeh Levin came to Meah Shearim and went into one of the shops that had changed its stock entirely for Sukkot, and instead of books it was selling sets of the Four Species. Reb Aryeh Levin went into the shop and the shopkeeper gave him an etrog (citron). Reb Aryeh Levin did not examine the etrog at all, but instead put it straight into his pocket and left the store. Hayim Be'er saw what had happened and was very surprised. He said to Aryeh Levin, "Everyone here, even the youngsters, know they should check their etrog with a magnifying glass - why did you just put yours in your pocket without checking it at all?!"
Reb Aryeh Levin said to him, "In the Torah we see the word 'hadar' twice: The first time it says 've-hadarta pnei zaken' ('and show deference to the old') and the second time it says 'pri etz hadar' ('fruit of the citrus tree'). Many people obey the second injunction and are willing to pay a lot of money for excellent close to perfect etrog, and that is all well and good. But I have taken to heart the other verse and I am hurrying from here to the leper hospital in Talbiya, where I will 'show deference to the old', and I hope I will do so honestly and faithfully." Sagi Melamed lives with his family in the community of Hoshaya in the Galilee. He serves as Vice President of External Affairs at the Max Stern Yezreel Valley College, and as Chief Instructor (4th Dan) of the Hoshaya Karate Club. Sagi received his Masters degree from Harvard University in Middle Eastern Studies with a specialty in Conflict Resolution. He can be contacted at: melamed.sagi@gmail.com.
