by Sunda Croonquist

I'm brain dead but will be really dead if I don't write this column! You have no idea how vicious my editor is when I'm not on time! JOKE! Don't sue me... Anyway, the flight was a trip! No pun intended for once!

It's me, and my two sidekicks: Aviva and Tovah otherwise known as my daughters. These two have to travel with so much gear! They're not even 10 yet! I'm holding TWO "Just Like Me" American Girl dolls because they are "tired" of holding them and Aviva advises me: "She IS your granddaughter, Mama!" And I feel guilty because I'm a Jewish Mother (although that may be hard to tell when traveling!) and also because half of the plane is staring at me because I'm CRUSHING their doll's heads under my arms and one of them is missing a shoe.

Please don't tell me this is a prognostication! Will I really be this way? Bent over saddled with an overweight pocketbook, my daughter's nebulizer and two "granddaughter dolls" along with a tiger backpack stuffed with junk that Tovah snuck on under her jacket! I didn't even notice the hump in her back! This discovery was made on the Security Line! Of course there's more to the story... you guys know me by now!

Tovah slipped at school and her leg is in a cast as she fractured her ankle and Aviva is wearing a finger splint from an injury suffered in her gymnastics class. I was very self- conscious yelling at them. I'm thinking: People probably think I beat them! Tovah has to be body scanned because of her cast but not Aviva. Aviva is bursting into tears because Tovah is being scanned but they won't scan her. Being scanned is NOT a reward but what do kids know except one had a "turn" and the other one wanted her "turn!" My STOMACH is turning because I hate to walk without my shoes in the airport and that part of the trip always freaks me out... especially if there is a hole in my sock but why would I wear my good socks to get filthy and germy going through security? Call me a germophobe but call me somebody! ANYBODY who can help me get through Security with my daughters!

They have no clue what they are putting me through at this time. None. I'm trying to get their bags, tiger knapsack, nebulizer, computer and of course, my infamous pocketbook. I don't know how Mary Poppins did it!

We're back... more stories to tell but at least I lived through this trip to share my love of traveling with my kids. There's even more love when you take a Valium but then, I'd be sleepwalking with two dolls under my arms and then... I'd be arrested! But I was thinking: If I WAS arrested... I could probably sneak in that "well deserved" nap I've been dreaming of since I gave birth 9 years ago.Stay tuned to VJ... We tell you like it is... and like it was!

Comedian Sunda Croonquist hosts "All Star Comedy" every Saturday night at the World Famous Laugh Factory in Hollywood.  You can find her at Sundalive.com and follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/sundalynn

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