by Sunda Croonquist
My daughters are playing chess. In minutes there will be flying chessmen! The cats love when they play board games as they get to take the flying pieces of the games and hide them for later. I would think that choking on fur balls would suffice but Marshmallow and Puffball love to put beads, erasers, earrings... ANYTHING in their mouths and choke! It's like having two toddlers without the diapers.
Marshmallow is Tovah's cat and Puffball belongs to Aviva. Don't ask. I didn't want the girls fighting over ONE cat and because I know how "great" it is to have two kids close in age... "brilliance" took over and I got TWO brother rescue cats.
Now I need to be rescued!
Both cats have been "fixed" but Puffball bites Marshmallow in the back and the woman at the rescue place told me not to worry... he's just showing "dominance."
Be dominant... in the afternoon! The cats now get up with my noisy neighbor upstairs and every morning at 5:30 they start the dominance game while my neighbor gets ready for... nothing! She doesn't work and clicks around upstairs like she's in a flamenco piece!
We're in a HIGH RISE on the famous Wilshire Corridor! It has the feel of a tenement, a prison, and a zoo! I NEVER SLEEP! It's complete insanity! The cats meow, my neighbor clicks and when I'm relaxing on my balcony, beautifully overlooking the pool, the maintenance staff always yells "HI, SUNDA!" And it's enough to make me cry like "Faisal the Terrorist" whose bomb didn't go off as he wished in Times Square.
A "good life" means peace of mind and I just want a piece of my mind, BACK! After sending a nice letter to my neighbor about the noise, she threatened to sue if she is used in my Act! I have bad news for "Clickity Click Chick": FREEDOM OF SPEECH RULES!... in America!
She's in my Act and my Blog because she's in my LIFE! My friend stayed over night and opted to go to a hotel because of the noise that started at 4:50 AM in the morning. A nanny who slept over complained she couldn't sleep because she kept hearing a marble roll across the floor. I'm telling you, my neighbor's whole UNIT is marble! My neighbor from Hell knows methods of torture but unbeknownst to her, I'm a Jersey Girl. We invented torture. Look at our hair!
I'm going to reverse the torture: At 7:00 am on weekends, I'M going to start playing loud Persian music that sounds like cats in heat and confuse HER!! Then, I'll send her invitations in Farsi to free vacations in Tehran! If you have any ideas of reverse torture, please send them to my editor because I can't get my Blogs done if I'm bleary eyed! Right now, I'm CROSS eyed from the cats and the clicking lady. OY! Stay tuned to VJ! We tell it like it is... and like it was. As it is... I NEED A NAP! There she goes!... click, click, click...
Comedian Sunda Croonquist hosts "All Star Comedy" every Saturday night at the World Famous Laugh Factory in Hollywood. You can find her at Sundalive.com and follow her on Twitter at http://twitter.com/sundalynn
