So when we last left off, I told you I was entering the world off...wait for it...Online Jewish Dating. Dear God what am I thinking???

My aunt's big plan

Well it was my Aunt Jess you see, she bought me an account. She 's been nagging, I mean asking me when I'm getting married... and the answer is always the same, 'not any time soon,' She always asks why, and then I tell her to read my blog and after she reads my blog, she says that it's ridiculous, and why can't I find any good quality (Jewish) men. I then tell her that I'm not sure why I can't find them... At which point she did what every good Jewish aunt does, she bought me a J-Date account.

Fabulous. Yet another way to meet non-observant, sleazy creepers who will reject me!

She didn't even ask me if I wanted one or if I'd even use it! She just set it up! I thought it was weird when she called asking me for personal details... When I finally asked why she needed to know if I was a casual drinker, she told me to log on and when I did, I saw my smiling face staring back at me, up on a profile. Oh dear.

I thank my aunt for the useful gift ensuring her I will put it to good use; and yes, I figured I could tell her this and then just not check it. (That should make a lot of sense to you, after my last online dating experience.) However, my aunt is a (smart) woman and she caught on.

"You have to let me know when you meet people, and when you go out with guys."

"Of course."

"You have to keep me posted, I'll be checking in on you."

"Ok."

"I read your blog, you know!"

Oh Aunt Jess. For you, I will do this.

I mean, she only wants the best for me, right? I know she's concerned about my future, and I'm sure my mother doesn't help too much either. In fact, I'm certain that when they talk; my mother cries to her about how she will never have grandchildren. Oy.

So I login to my profile, I edit it and now I'm available to the entire Jewish world.

My ego has been enjoying this immensely. The first night I was on my profile I must have had a thousand IM requests. Wow, right? Maybe this won't be so bad after all. I'm quite the popular lady!

And get this... I already have three guys I am seriously talking to. And I don't think any of them are serial killers!

You know what I'm talkin' bout.

After I set up my account, I updated my mother about what Aunt Jess did for me, figuring she too would be pleased.

Hah.

She looked at me very seriously and said: "But...how do you arrange group dates on J-Date?"

Oh God. I know what she's implying and I don't want to acknowledge it.

"What do you mean Mother?" I ask innocently.

"Well don't expect to go out with anyone you meet online by yourself."

I know she is being motherly, but I want to scream, I'm in my twenties! I can only assume that she'll want someone to chaperon me on my honeymoon too.

I keep my thoughts to myself. "Don't worry Mom, I'll be smart about this"

"Well can't Natasha and John go with you?"

I scream.

"MOTHER, I am not asking Natasha and John to babysit me on my date!!!!!"

My mom's big plan. Watch those hands, buster!

"Well they don't have to sit at the same table with you." My mother points out as if I'm the weird one.

Right. I can just see it now. My nice, normal, unsuspecting date asking: "Um why do those people keep staring over at us?"

Me: "Oh them? They're just here to watch us on our date, you know in case you try to make a move."

And she thinks she'll get any grandchildren this way?

On a brighter note, I already have a date for this Saturday! Shh don't tell my mom.

<--- Read Natalie's latest Jewish singles event nightmare with Grandpa stalker
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