I now know why they call this hotel the "Breakers". Not because of the beautiful waves breaking along the shore but because you can break your neck on the marble floors! My editor always thinks I have a new excuse for not doing my column but you can't make this stuff up!

Sunda CroonquistI went down the shore (as we say in Jersey) with my two daughters and two nieces. That should have been enough to break me but ...there's more! The huge bathrooms look like Beverly Hills mansions complete with slippery tiles and a fireplace.

I enter the bathroom and water is dripping from the ceiling... on my head! As we all know.... I don't like to get my hair wet! Long story short, I lose my balance in the puddle and wrench my back.

I notify the front desk where "Ms. Ditzy" tells me not to worry as they are sending someone to check out the ceiling. I go to relax my back at the beach but I CAN'T MOVE! I'm just lying on the beach and now I LOOK like a cast member of The Jersey Shore and I'm not drunk... I AM IN PAIN!

I return to the hotel to rest and this time, I smell something burning! My bathing suit was too close to the fireplace! As I turn around to retrieve it, I go DOWN on a puddle of water on the floor.

Crawling to the phone, I again notify the front desk and "Miss Ditzy" tells me that the room was checked and there is no water on the floor or leak in the ceiling. Now I'm getting MY Jersey on! Does this idiot think I'm hallucinating? I tell Miss Ditzy to send them back and I wait for them.

Maintenance arrives, the condensation pan has overflowed and once emptied, I'm informed: "The problem is fixed!"

NOT! My back feels like it had a root canal. I inform management that I am REALLY injured and they inform me "they'll definitely take care of it." Considering I've dropped close to $3,000.00 for this mini vacation...I believe they'll do the right thing as I need an X-Ray and I want THEM to pay for it as I have to end my vacation early.

I'm informed that the Spring Lake Police must come take a Report and take me away physically by ambulance in order for her to give me an incident report.

Do I want to be seen taken away like Snooki by the NJ Police because THEY have a leak in their ceiling! The cast of Jersey Shore gets more respect than this! WARNING: If you go to the Breakers get ready to break something! Not just your pocket! There will be a part two of this story but let me get outta New York and back to LA because the holidays are HERE and I'm not ready...neither is my back but stay tuned to VJ! We tell you like it is and like it was and I need a heating pad right about, now!