The thing with online dating is like most things... it has its pros and cons. On a dating website such as match.com or jdate, or even plentyoffish.com, you pretty much know what you want and what the others checking out your profile want. A date, a friend, marriage, a hookup whatever...it's pretty direct and forward as are the (at times very scary,) people using the sites.

Which brings us to one of the main cons. People can be too forward, I have already been issued an invitation for a late night web cam 'chat' session. Lucky me, right?

As we know, people suddenly become brave when they have the cover of the internet, it's a big place and people get carried away with how they act and what they write and what they ask. I mean I get it! This is a place designed to get to know people and if you want to date someone you should know them pretty well, right?

That being said... if I have only seen one really bad photo of you and have chatted via IM for about 20 minutes, I am not going to tell you my life story. I am normally a quiet person and I like to keep to myself. (I realize I'm saying this as I write up about all my relationship disasters for the world to see, but hey, at least these are funny entertaining stories, and again I feel comfortable with a cloak of invisibility...)

My time on J-date has really been hit or miss so far, which means mainly miss. I told you about my first date with the wolf-man; in actuality I guess you could say that he was my second date.

My first encounter was also really interesting. He was the first guy to message me. I took a look at his profile and he seemed pretty nice, but his photos on J-date all made him look different. Like each picture is a different stage of his life. You can tell its technically the same guy, but he looks so different from photo to photo.

For example, he looks completely bald on top in one photo, and in another photo he has hair. And he is only 26... he can't be bald already, can he?

I read his profile. We have some things in common, so I start talking to him. We have a nice conversation and typical chit-chat, at the end of the conversation he tells me he would like to talk with me again, so I sent him my number. A few days go by and he calls me again. We go over the basics, "What do you do? Where do you live?

Hi, I'm Natalie the SuperJew!

How Jewish are you?" (OK, so he didn't exactly how Jewish I was, just how religious.)

And that's the other thing about J-date! For a girl like me who is pretty observant, it's impossible to find a good observant Jewish Boy. (I mean I'm not super-Jew or anything, but my Judaism means more to me than I can tell you...) Imagine how discouraging it is when everyone I talk to finds the thought of tearing into a nice pork-chop an exciting one.

Back to Mr. First-Date. We agreed to meet for coffee. As the night of our scheduled rendezvous approaches, I started to freak out.

So I deck myself out and focus on becoming amazingly cute. I leave in plenty of time to get to our date on time, and on my way there I get a phone call from Mark, "Hey I'm running a bit late, but I'll be there soon!"

OK. No biggy. So I get to the coffee shop and I wait. And wait. And wait. Half an hour after our agreed time, I get another call. "Hey, I'm sorry. I got lost. But I'm close."

"Oh, ok." I say.

And I wait.

One HOUR after our scheduled time, my prince shows up.

"I'm so sorry," He tells me apologetically "I got lost and I didn't have my GPS on. "

I assure him its fine.

But you know what's not fine?

LYING ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT on your online profile.

Example of dramatic height difference

He is not 5'8. I am 5'5, wearing flats and I can see clear over his head... which, yes.... is balding.

I must sound like some superficial glamazon, and I swear I'm not.

Maybe I am.

I don't know! I mean I like to be attracted to the guy I'm going out with, thats not bad right? It's not bad.

I'm not going to shoot him down just for his hairline. He could be nice, after all. I'll give him a chance, I'm not going to shut down just because I'm not immediately attracted to him. He could have an amazing personality and be really good to me and our 43 children.

He buys me a coffee and we sit down. We talk about credit card companies, Jesus Christ, and Spain, three of my most favorite subjects.

Not. He is kind of boring. He keeps talking about HIS credit cards, HIS travels to Spain, and HIS favorite art being medieval religious art. WHY?

We finish our coffee and he suggests we take a walk. So we start walking down the street and then I notice he is looking around frantically. Like he has a mob hit on him or something. I ask what he's looking for and he replies, "I thought there was a Pinkberry around here."

"Oh there is, it's right up here in the shopping area." I reply.

"Great! I was thinking I could by you an Ice cream, would that be ok?"

Well I don't know... its almost my bedtime, and mommy won't let me have ice cream before bedtime. I think to myself.

"Sure, sounds fabulous." I respond brightly.

So we head over to Pinkberry and he starts complaining about how the variety is 'too much.'

Hmmm.

I order my big elaborate Pinkberry dish, and he orders plain strawberry.

When the girl asks if he wants any toppings he asks how much they are. When she tells him, (.30 for one topping .80 for anything else) he stares in horror, "Oh nevermind."

When the girl rings us up, he pulls out his wallet, "Allow me, I have a coupon. Its buy one get one free!"

He hands it to the girl, she tells him its $5.00.

He shrieks, "FIVE DOLLARS? But did you take off the coupon???"

"Yeah, I did, but her ice cream was more expensive because it had more in it." The girl politely tells him.

"Oh. Ok. So you took off the coupon, right?"

I recoil in horror, as the whole store stops to look at us. OMG. I will pay for the ice cream, just please don't make a scene.

I was reaching for my wallet when he stopped me and insisted on paying. Oh dear.

So let's recap, I went out with George Costanza.

Oh dear.

We sit out on the patio for a while and we talk about some more romantic topics. Politics, Obama, gay marriage, healthcare reform. All very light and romantic subjects to bring up on a first date. Lets get everything out in the open right away!

After a while we decide to call it a night, and he tells me he had a great time. I of course, lie and tell him that I did too. I tell him I parked three lots away from where we were and he says: "I'm right here. I guess you'll get to your car ok... and I'll call you."

OK... not that I'm incapable of walking to my car, but really? Is chivalry so dead that you cant even offer to accompany me? (Don't answer that please.)

I don't think even Larry David himself could write a character like this one.

But hey, at least the year is over and we all get a new start.

So my readers... I wish you all a happy New Year and may you be inscribed for a good year.

I'll let you know if anything happens during Sukkot! ;)

 <--- Did you miss Natalie's Hairy Encounter?
Holiday Shopping: Browsing for Jewish Men --->
Back to Playing with Matches Main