I couldn't type which means I couldn't kvetch and you all know how I love to do that! What is going around is a mystery... but you are devoted fans and that's why I took an Advil and sat down to tell you all how much I love you for reading my column!
The editor has been patient and I've been impatient, but now I can type a little more.
Every day that has no pain you should thank Hashem, (and thank him anyway for breathing.) When you are sick the world stands still and your kids keep moving!
They just competed in the LA Lights competition for the LA school of gymnastics. I have managed to lose my Persian accent and now I sound like an Armenian Russian if there is such a thing.
It was stressful and I'm in pain, but I got through the weekend and decided it was time to stop promoting VirtualJerusalem without writing for them!
I ran into three moms from my school at Trader Joe's today... I thought they were streetwalkers from Sunset Boulevard. The lighting is bad at "TJs," especially with that much make-up!
One said to me "Oh you are so skinny... are you alright?" i said,"I was never fat!" and staggered away because I am so sick! My head hurts, my bones hurt and I don't even have the flu!
I think it's called "Bat Mitzvah-itits!" I have to plan my daughter's Bat Mitzvah and am dealing with all kinds of issues already. One girlfriend already told me not to seat her with another mom and I hadn't planned on inviting either one of them! How does that happen????
I will get through this if my bridge would only stay in my mouth!
I can't stay on the computer much longer so i will leave you with this: Stay tuned to "Hoodzpah!" because there is so much "drama mama" action about to happen.
I came face to face with the mom who is having her son's Bar Mitzvah the same time as my daughter and is planning her party the same time as mine.
She said, "Call me!" So I said in my best NJ Governor Christie accent: "No! You "cawl" me!"
And that is how this ends... so stay tuned because the next column will be about this being a "Blat" Mitzvah... all of the trials and tribulations of a black Jew mom planning her daughter's Bat Mitzvah. You'll find comedy in this for sure. Right now...I'm taking a nap but know i love you all madly and that's not a lip synching move...I really love you... in a Sunda way...not a Beyonce way.
Thank you for tuning in to VirtualJerusalem... I'll be back and hopefully in one piece so I can continue my diatribe on how much I missed Whitney Houston during the inauguration and I tweeted that and got spanked but guess who was right? There ya go! More for you next time!
