It's not always easy to say sorry. Judaism encourages us to do exactly that, but what exactly is Teshuvah?

A time of closeness
The prophet Isaiah tells us:"Seek God when he is readily found" (Isaiah 55:6). We know that the Days of Awe are particularly appropriate for this task as we feel the great Presence pervading our senses. The Talmud teaches us that between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, God is somehow closer. That means that we are more apt to turn to God, thanks to the mood of this period. In the face of judgment, people try to review acts and correct the evil deeds of the past year. In particular, wrongs done to fellow men are to be corrected. Yom Kippur does not bring forgiveness for these acts unless the injured person gets restitution and forgives the one who sinned against him.

Making amends
Special time should be set aside both for self-evaluation and for seeking out people to make amends. It is especially appropriate for families to review basic relationships and to seek forgiveness, amendment and reconciliation.

According to Nachmanides, repentance is a specific mitzvah: Vishavta ad HaShem elohecha - "you shall (re) return to the Lord your God" (Deuternomy 30:2). The Torah goes on to say, according to Nachmanides' interpretation, that this duty "is not hidden from you, nor is it far off."

Teshuvah is one of the most distinctively human acts. It involves change and the capacity to re-do the past - with the help of God.

The foundations of Teshuvah are threefold: regret, confession, and the forsaking of the committed misdeed.

More on the Stages of Teshuvah

Encouraging others
It is an act of great merit to help people repent and to welcome them and encourage them in their new ways. Thus, it is forbidden to remind a penitent of his former acts. One should respond with conciliation when a person asks for forgiveness. After all, "Whose sin does God forgive? He who forgives sins (against himself)" (Talmud: Rosh Hashanah 17A). If after repeated requests, a person still refuses to forgive, then the unforgiving individual is considered a sinner.

Renewed relationships
Such is the power of teshuvah that it restores the alienated person to closeness with God or with the other person. "Yesterday this one (the sinner) was hateful to God, repugnant, removed foul. Today (after repentance) he is beloved, precious, close, a friend..Yesterday, this one was alienated from God, the Lord of Israel - and today he is attached to the Divine Presence" Here the mystery of divine and human response comes into play. Repentance does more than undo the past evil. It brings healing and a new closeness and sympathy.

Special favor
The Talmud says that penitents stand where even righteous people cannot. Maimonides explains: he who sinned needs a greater effort to do the right thing; in that sense, the right act is greater when the penitent does it. Rabbi Levi Yitzchak of Berditchev observed that when one repents out of love, the previous evil acts are considered changed into good deeds. He explains: the sinners' drives and talents, up to now used for evil, will be used for good. The sinner thus has talents for good which the routine righteous person does not possess.

Liberating process
Although the focus of these days is on guilt and self-criticism, the purpose is to remove the burden of guilt and end the evil doing - not to increase or prolong them. Periodic purification is liberating. Guilt is not the superior religious emotion. It is necessary, given human tendencies, but it is to be grown from and overcome with new goodness. Rabbi Israel Salanter and his pupils used this period to draw up resolutions for new patterns of better living and to actually start the process of new living.